yey,may internet na kami sa bahay!! haha. DIAL-UP nga lang!
gra-be. ang bagaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.
it took me almost 5 minutes to upload *just* 5 photos,ha!
eh normally,sa dorm,mga 20 photos ang na-a-upload ko in *just* 5 minutes.
rrr. pero. :) mas ok na 'to sa wala diba. hehe. so yeah. :)


waha. kwento ko lang yung sobrang palpak kong hapon. :)
i woke up at around 2:30 this afternoon.
yeah,i know,parang tulog-batugan lang diba?
3am na yata ako natulog dahil nag-marathon ako ng UFO Baby :) 
pero usually,hindi ako inaabot ng beyond 12nn sa paggising kahit gaano ka-late matulog.
when i used to study for the board exams, i would sometimes sleep at around 4 or 5am
and wake up after an hour or two, tapos okay lang.
ngayon,nagigising ako usually ng 9am tapos alam nyo yung feeling ng hilong-hilo pa?
ganun! tapos yun,matutulog nako till 2 or 3.
sobra,never in my whole life did i experience that.
but i love it--waking up laate in the afternoon!
ang catch lang e,wala mashadong na-a-accomplish..


so yun. i woke up so late and thought,"Hala,wala akong gagawin.."
kaya naisip ko nalang pumuntang SM para bumili ng cable pang-internet, net card at marami pang iba ;)
eh kaso parang uulan..Nimbus yung clouds. hah :)
sabi ko,hindi yan uulan hanggang makarating ako ng SM!
sinabi na ng auntie ko na magdala akong payong,
kaso ang tigas ng ulo ko. 
pano kasi ang liit ng bag ko, kung magdadala akong payong, dadalhin ko sya separately. eh kung alam niyo lang kung ilang payong na yung nawala ko..maiintindihan niyo kung bakit hindi na ako nagdala.. ;)
HAHAHA, tapos habang naglalakad ako papuntang terminal (sa subd. pa namin ah),
may naririnig akong ulan from afar. ang lakas. big time. (hindi pa umuulan samin nun),
pinairal ko ang Denial na def. mech, at inisip na "malakas lang yung tunog ng agos sa creek.."
yun,grabe. kakalabas palang ng subd, dumating yung SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBRANG lakas na ulan.
grabe.
basa ako.
tapos palpak pa, nagpa-baba pa ako sa maling lugar-- sa bahang lugar kung saan walang dumadaang FX na masasakyan--tuloy naghintay pa ako ng 1 hour siguro bago nakasakay. sa sobrang tagal kong naghintay, natuyo na nga lang ako e..


hehe. at dahil awang-awa ako sa sarili ko,
nag-shopping nalang ako. hehehehe. :) loved everything i bought. 
hehe. tama yan,yen :)


lalang.
i'm excited for tomorrow. :)
Boss'll be coming here, maglu-lunch kami kasama auntie ko sa smf.
so yun. wala munang DVD marathon tonight. :)

now that the NLE is finally off my shoulders, i'm now worrying as to what shall keep me busy in the coming weeks. it's strange, having to witness other people as they scramble and prepare for the next schoolyear. hah,and i ain't complaining about being excluded from the population. :)

but first, i have to have an internet connecion at home a.s.a.p. y'see, the worst thing about getting used to unlimited wi-fi is that once you get the hang of it, no other internet connection would do for you anymore. it has to be wi-fi or dsl, or nothing at all. hah,arte lang.

ang plano ko talaga for the mean time ay manuod muna ng DVDs sa bahay. i have DVDs of Korean chic flicks; i have Detective Conan :) but what's really on my mind now is finishing Prison Break's Season 2!! aah,it kills me to not be able to watch the 2nd half of Season 2 because of a malfunctioning audio. arr. i will have to wait for a few days till i'm allowed to go to Quiapo. hehe actually,it's more of personal will-power rather than permission. :) tinatamad pa ako eh.

wah. gusto ko magbakasyon sa malayong lugar!! haha. gusto ko ng shotgun na plano kasama maraming friends tapos yung tipong papayagan ako agad! (hehe,asa.) matagal ko ng pangarap yung sasakay nalang sa isang bus sa isa sa mga bus terminals sa Cubao tapos lilibutin yung mga tourist spots sa lugar na pupuntahan ko. gusto mag-Palawan, or Cebu or Davao!! gusto ko rin mag China (kaso malabo na ata) or Hong Kong man lang, or Thailand (i could meet up with Khala..). Basta sa malayong lugar.

hay. dati preoccupied ako with boards tapos ngayon, i'm preoccupied with thinking of things to preoccupy myself with. (saya nga e!) but it won't be all about me all of the time. :) i intend to spend the next months doing something with purpose and i'm smiling, thinking of the temporary plan that i've decided to do come August or September. it's time to do one of the things which, i believe, i was born to do. yey. :)

i miss it,too--my long hair.. 
ang sabi ko sa lahat, "gusto ko lang magpagupit" kaya ko sobrang pina-iksi-an ang buhok ko
pero na-realize kong may underlying reason (pala) na hindi ko sinabi sa kahit na sino.

CAN'T LET GO
Landon Pigg

Well youre the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation
About a love that didnt last
But I could never call you mine
Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
Its not that our love died
Just never really bloomed

Well I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt OK about it.
Until you got with another man,
And then I couldnt understand
Why it bothered me so.
How we didnt die we just
Never had a chance to grow.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the
Things I do.
And you cant lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad
Every time I see you out with someone new.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past
Without lifting a finger youre holding me back.

I cant let go
No, I cant let go of you
Youre holding me back without even trying to.
I cant let go
I cant move on from the past. 


______________________________________________________
one of the most beautifully-written songs i've heard by far.
so beautiful that having to listen to it,hurt.
theme song ko 'to sa States eh. big time. 
i'd listen to it,like,ten times in a row and find myself crying afterwards.

i have already gotten over the romantic feeling.
romantic feeling,i said, because it was the only thing that i wanted to get rid of.
i wanted to keep him and the friendship that (i believe) we had; i wanted to preserve whatever was left between us.
and (i believe) we're better friends now. so i smile reeeal wide. :)

oh my,no. what was i thinking?

i feel like i was knocked on the head earlier.

spare me from all the drama,Lord.
i choose not to walk down that path again..at least,not now. not yet.

i'm giving it back to You--my "stolen" heart. Lord,spare me. if he really wants me in his life,he'll find ways to place me in his life. i need 
not try so hard to make things happen. You'll make him want to make ways for things to happen. i rest. if he decides to act, then i'll reciprocate accordingly.

one particular text message echoes through my head right now:
"Repeated experiences have nothing but one aim- to teach you what you do not wish to learn.."

hah. i've been through this more than once. more than twice,actually, but i still haven't learned the lesson. i knew where "it" will take me but i payed no mind. 

i choose not to be totally overruled by my heart this time. not again. it's just not smart. it's not healthy,either.

:) some of my views may have contradicted yours but im speaking only for myself. had you known everything,you'd feel for me. hehe. im still Ms Brightside,don't worry.

but it's like this: suppose you are facing a crossroad then you suddenly had a premonition that you are bound to meet an accident if you choose to proceed to the left side of the road. would you still head left? i wouldn't..and i know that God wouldn't want me to choose "left" either.

na-miss ko lang mag-blog.
haha. na-miss kong magtype ng tuloy-tuloy.
na-mimiss ko ang DSL sa bahay sa States.
man.
sighs thoughtfully..happily.

haha. wait lang. one light topic muna.
nakakaaliw kanina.
so nasa SM ako,nag-net sa Excel tapos sa kaliwa ko may young mother na
nag-i-internet rin na may kalong na (siguro) 3-year-old na anak nya,lalake.
na-amaze lang ako kung gaano ka-well-behaved ng bata!
nakaupo lang sya sa lap ng mommy nya. quiet, never umiyak or nag-attempt umalis sa lap ng mommy nya.
tapos later,nag-dede siya sa bottle tapos natulog sa arms ng mommy nya! habang nag-i-internet ang mommy nya.
wala lang. naaliw lang ako. gusto ko ng ganung ka-well-behaved na anak. hindi hassle alagaan. hahaha,one in a million ata ang batang yun.

haay, ok. heart matter.
now i can finally say that my heart's totally free.
free from any emotional attachment. :)
ang tagal ko ring nag-struggle.
now i can finally say that i see him as no more than a friend.
at forever nang kaibigan nalang ang tingin ko sa kanya.
sana nga lang nakakapag-usap kami comfortably,
sana nakakausap ko sya the way na nakakausap ko ang iba
ewan ko pero minsan nararamdaman kong mutual ang pagde-dedmahan..
para sakin kasi nauna ang "feelings" sa "friendship"
kaya mas tahimik ako than usual when the person's around. hindi intentional ang hindi pag-pansin.
feeling ko,sakin nanggaling ang pagiging passive kaya dapat ako rin ang mag-reach out.
*hoooo. breeeeeathe. Lord,help po*

i feel disappointed sa ilang tao at sa sarili ko.
sa ilang tao, dahil ayoko ng ginagawa nila.
sa sarili ko, dahil hindi ko sila nasaway in an outright manner.
iba yung sinasabi mong, "uuy,wag.." na kulang sa conviction,
at iba rin yung, "alam mo itigil mo yan dahil hindi ganyan ang buhay na gusto Nya para sayo.."
iniisip ko kasi: hindi ko sila ka-close para pagsabihan.
kaya naging passive nalang ako, tumahimik nalang.  
may efforts pero kulang.
hindi ako natuwa sa meeting na yun and i do not wish to be part of something like that again in the future.
i could only do so much as to pray for them..

hay, ang mundo.
masyado na kasi akong nasanay na ang mga kasama ko ay yung mga tao na "wala akong problema"
hindi kailangang sawayin dahil pare-pareho kami ng mga prinsipyong pinanghahawakan
nakakalimutan ko na maliit na portion lang nga pala yun ng mundong ginagalawan ko
ang mas malaking portion ay yung hindi sasang-ayon sakin, magiisip na ang corny,ang boring ko dahil di ko ginagawa ang ilang mga bagay
ano nang gagawin ko pag nalagay ako sa portion nayun ng mundo?
i pray that i QUIT BEING silent.
PICK A SIDE,yen.
and explain why you're on that side, using God's Word as your basis.

this week,ang na-realize ko: sobrang iningatan at priniserve ako ni Lord during my teenage years..ang galing..
may mga palpak rin ako. i've tried drinking beer during my early years in college, have tried uttering bad words in high school,
have cheated or allowed others to cheat from me, gossiped a bit, nanlait.
pero naniniwala ako na ang bawat buhay ng bawat tao, may turning point.
and i thank the Lord because He made me realize last year that indeed i have to turn my life a hundred and eighty degrees.
ang dami ko pang dapat matutunan at marami pa syang babaguhin sakin
and i'm letting Him have His way in me.

it has never been about religion,guys.
it's all about recognizing our own sinfulness and acknowledging our NEED of a Savior,Jesus Christ
it's about allowing the Lord to rule in and be in the center our lives
dethroning ourselves and realizing that our lives are not about US;
it's not about satisfying solely our wants and desires
but realizing that our purpose in this world is to glorify God, to please Him thru the way we live our lives.
a life with that thought as a guiding principle is what makes an enormous difference :)

ibang peace at happiness ang dala ni Lord, nakakatuwa.
haha. i keep saying this. God is the strength of my heart; i smile because He enables me to smile from the inside out.
naramdaman nyo ba yun? yung hindi ka nagsasalita, still ka lang pero ramdam mong masaya ka sa loob? may overflowing peace?
it's the kind of peace and joy that God can provide; the kind that does not lie on circumstances,situations..
'cause life can be problem and worry-free one moment and problem and worry-filled the next.
the peace that God provides stays even during those problem and worry-filled times,
and that feeling's something that i wouldn't trade for anything else.

yeee,joy. i just felt like blogging today.
na-miss ko 'to.

i'll end this entry with a passage that i came across with early this week. it struck me because it's my first time to have read something like this.

Joshua 23:11 says, <B>'So be very careful to love the Lord your God.'</B>

BE VERY CAREFUL to love the Lord your God.
a powerful and convicting verse for me because it made me question,
if i personally believe (in my heart) and profess  that i love God, how much of my actions or how much of how i live my life truly say or attest that i indeed love Him?
hmm, be very careful,it said.
help me Lord to love you carefully and sincerely.

cause me to live for You this week. hooo! pasukan ko nanaman. rawr.
it's Time to Shine for You,Lord. :)
(and in case i do shine, may they see You and not me; praise You and not me)

hahaha! OH,JOY. yeeee. :)

SHY THAT WAY
Tristan Prettyman ft. Jason Mraz


You know you're stunning
You're absolutely stunning
And I'm running always running
And now I'm crying
It's only cause I'm caring
And if you were more daring
Maybe you'd stop staring
And come over and talk to me
Tell me bout how you've been waiting so patiently
And how you tried but I just turned away
And I'll say yeah well you know,
I'm shy that way

Shy that way
Maybe I'm shy that way

Ohh you know you're stunning
You're absolutely stunning
But you're always runnin
But I'll catch up to you
The way you keep your distance is
Keeping my interest
So I'll keep it persistent
Ohh maybe someday
Someway, somehow in some town
We'll get together and
We'll break it down
And I'll ask why you've been
So shy, gotta be that way
Maybe baby, oh love, I like it that way

Shy that way
You know I love you so shy,
Shy that way

So keep it comin comin comin comin
Shy that way

There's always too much talking
And I wanna just keep walking
But I keep staring baby
Keep staring
Though I may not know the right things to say
I'll get it out to you one day

I'm shy that way
You're shy that way
Do you like it
Do you like it?
When I'm shy this way?
Yes I like it
Yes I like it
When you're shy

Shy that way

I like it
I like it shy
You know it's alright, it's ok
Cause we're
Shy that way…


** this song has my name written all over it
wahaha. 
i love Jason Mraz :)